Who's sorry now?

Even a Goddess falters and makes bad decisions.

I found out that I was cheated many months ago. I won't say how and by whom. Its enough to know that it was someone I loved very very much. Someone I was so sure I was going to marry in the next year.

Now he's married, but not to me. And he's got a cute baby boy, but I'm not the mother of his child. A year ago, I was so sure I'd be the mother of his child. I saw the look in his eyes when he carried his kid. The same eyes that looked at me when he told me the names he chose for our kids.

When I found out, I was happy because I felt I had my revenge. He was married but he wasn't happy. I was still in his thoughts. She wasn't as good to him as I was. And I thought to myself, he finally realises what he lost. That I was so good to him and now he doesn't have me. I went out and partied really hard.

Even the sadness I felt because of something else, it left me. I was happy and carefree. I thought, I'm too good and only someone who can see that is worthy of me. My head was in the clouds.

Today, I stopped for one second. One second was all it took for my happiness to fall all around me. I stopped for one very short second. And I realised, when he wakes up tomorrow, he's got his family. Happy or not, he's got it. A wife and a kid.

And me? I've got nothing. My heart pines for someone that doesn't want me. I'm seeing someone that I'm not sure about. I'm floating around, without roots, without a bearing, without direction. He wakes up, goes to work, and when he goes home, he knows he does it all for that baby.

How did it happen this way? I'll never know because I've got too much pride to ask. I didn't think it would affect me when I found out. I'm over him. I don't care what he does. But to know that I got cheated by someone I loved so much. I just want to scream at him and ask him why I wasn't good enough. Aren't I? What I'd give right now for someone to tell me that I am. That I'm worth all the time and effort.

At first, I built my wall so that I won't easily trust someone. Now, I don't even want to care about anyone. I know I'll get hurt again. I know I'll end up crying. As long as I don't care, I won't get hurt. Just don't fall in love. Just don't care.

No man is worth it. And in the end, if you believe that, you'll be alone. Just like me.