Missing...

Damn it. Another one of those days when I come back and realise I don't have someone to turn to just for the sake of being comforted. I can't call or contact this person in any way .. espeacially when I'm like this because I know I'll say something stupid and scare him off.

And yet, every part of me wants to pick the phone up, dial his number and hear his voice. Just for a minute. But I know it won't be enough. At the end of it all, that's really not what I want. I want him. To hold his hand, to talk to, to spend time with. Not just for a one minute phonecall.

Sometimes its so frustrating, you just want to take that person and knock him on the head repeatedly with a wooden bat. Why, why can't he get it into his head that I'm here, that I care, that I'm hurting, that I still have feelings.... that..... so many things... none of which matters.

Are men so dense that they don't understand us at all? When we want a fling, they want a serious relationship. When we want a serious relationship, they want a fling. When we don't want to trust them, they insist we do. When we do trust them, they betray us. When we don't want them, they want us... and when we finally fall for them, they leave.

And how do we know our feelings are true? What's it been, a month? And I'm still pining for him.... does that make what I feel true? Or am I just pining cos I want to conquer some invisible mountain that I feel I must climb?

I'm an idiot, a moron.... an absolute nut. To make myself feel this way, to let my heart cause me so much misery... Why, why on earth did I have to meet someone that was so perfect?