Lonely... I have nobody to call my own...
Even Goddesses feel the pangs of sadness ...
I just went out, had a blast and thought it was a great day to be alive... yes, I actually thought today, i'll snap out of my depressive state. Then I stepped into my room... There is literally noone for me to call to share my joy with.
Yes I have friends.. tons and tons of friends. But I don't have that one person that will always be there for me, thru thick and thin, good times and bad. I wanted to pick up the phone, call him and tell him about my day. But who's him? There's no image in my head, no face to focus on. Just a black emptiness... there isn't even a fuzzy image that needs to be focused.
And that made me feel really alone. That I have so much joy to share and noone to share it with. That I want to cry and have noone to console me. That I want to be sweet and vunerable but have noone to appreciate it.
My room's become my prison. In here, I lock myself up, willingly imprisoning myself within four walls that hold no more meaning for me. It isn't a private space which held my treasures. Its just a room now. My bed, its just a bed. I don't dream the romantic dreams I used to dream. I don't go to sleep thinking abt a special person. When I wake up, the first thing on my mind is facing yet another dreary day.
Don't misunderstand. I'm a goddess and living is a right, not just a gift. And I live each day. I make my own rules and break them. I make my own choices. I enjoy every moment I spend alive. Its just those moments when I realise, with all the happiness I have, there is noone I can share my happiness with.
A friend once told me that I should treasure each day and live for myself. And I do. I'll do anything to make sure I'm always happy and contented.
Yes, I'm a goddess... and men are our playthings... perhaps I just need a new toy?
I just went out, had a blast and thought it was a great day to be alive... yes, I actually thought today, i'll snap out of my depressive state. Then I stepped into my room... There is literally noone for me to call to share my joy with.
Yes I have friends.. tons and tons of friends. But I don't have that one person that will always be there for me, thru thick and thin, good times and bad. I wanted to pick up the phone, call him and tell him about my day. But who's him? There's no image in my head, no face to focus on. Just a black emptiness... there isn't even a fuzzy image that needs to be focused.
And that made me feel really alone. That I have so much joy to share and noone to share it with. That I want to cry and have noone to console me. That I want to be sweet and vunerable but have noone to appreciate it.
My room's become my prison. In here, I lock myself up, willingly imprisoning myself within four walls that hold no more meaning for me. It isn't a private space which held my treasures. Its just a room now. My bed, its just a bed. I don't dream the romantic dreams I used to dream. I don't go to sleep thinking abt a special person. When I wake up, the first thing on my mind is facing yet another dreary day.
Don't misunderstand. I'm a goddess and living is a right, not just a gift. And I live each day. I make my own rules and break them. I make my own choices. I enjoy every moment I spend alive. Its just those moments when I realise, with all the happiness I have, there is noone I can share my happiness with.
A friend once told me that I should treasure each day and live for myself. And I do. I'll do anything to make sure I'm always happy and contented.
Yes, I'm a goddess... and men are our playthings... perhaps I just need a new toy?
posted by goddess at 2:13 am
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