A Goddess Falls.... again

It's happening again. That old familiar feeling. You want the person around all the time. You can wait to see him, you like having them around, you smile when a thought enters your head.... falling in love...

Its scary. Where once I had no problem leaving him alone for days at a time, til he had to call me out of desperation, now I count the seconds before he calls.

It sounds silly but thoughts are running through my head; like should i tell him i missed him over the weekend? Should I pretend i didn't care?

I want him desperately. I want to hold his hand, hear his voice....

But the strange thing is, this time round, it feels different. There's no anxiety despite me counting the seconds. I know he'll definitely call. I know he'll definitely hold my hand. There's no worry, no anguish, no anxiety, nothing. I know he'll be there when I need him. I don't feel any of the anxieties of a new relationship.

I just feel.... in love.

There's comfort in his arms, there's safety in his presence. I look in his eyes and I know he isn't judging me, looking for a flaw or a fault. All I see is acceptance. Acceptance of the person I am, acceptance of the person I want to be, of the person I was. I see nothing but total, unconditional acceptance.

In his arms, I feel safe.. secure. Because of that, I feel I can face anything, even on my own. I don't feel like running to him for help or that I need to cry to him. In a strange way, he's made me want to lead my own life, to have my own dreams, to make my own choices. I can pick myself up on my own because he believes in me.

He appreciates me and what I give, however much or little. He's happy whether he talks to me for 30 seconds or for 3 hours. He's never asked for more than what I give. He understands me without any words. He looks at me and he knows how I feel, what I think. He doesn't rush with his words, with our time. He talks to me of a future that he wants to share. He tells me of his plans, making enough room in them for me, but never pressurizing.

He never makes a promise, but he gives without asking, without saying. He's taking risks that he'd never have taken. He always talks to me with a smile, with a softness to his voice, a gentle tone. His touch is soft and loving.

And me, I never thought I'd have accepted anyone with a past like his. But I am... I do. Its that very past that's made him the person that he is. I accept him, despite all his faults. And yet, he insists that he wants to change.... he wants to change just for me... FOR ME. Noone has ever done that. I don't know why, but I accept him for everything that he was, is and wants to be.

I don't know how to describe it. I just know it feels different. Even if it doesn't last, I'm happy I got to feel this way. I've never felt so comfortable in someone's arms... so safe and so secure.

A Goddess has fallen in love... with eyes wide open, knowing her piece of heaven can be taken away and knowing it'll be worth it to fall, for this one, this time... It'll be worth it.

Sadly, he'll never know all that I feel now..... ever