Emotionally Exposed...

Why, in heaven's name, do I not listen to my own advice?

I resolved to not trust and to not expose my emotions. And what did I do? I allowed myself a tiny window of trust and exposed a small fraction of my emotions. Ahh, the turmoil that it now causes me.

Perhaps it is just a confluence of events that lead to the insecurities I feel now; the intimacy, the openness and trust I allowed myself to feel may, or may not, have been a product of my imagination.

I will not say I regret it, because I don't. It came very naturally, very easily. And that's what scares me the most. That I'm allowing myself this comfort and closeness, enjoying it even, knowing full well that I could, and in all likelihood, will get hurt in the end.

I don't know where I stand or what part I play in this complexity. I don't even know if I have a part to play.

I exposed myself emotionally and realised that that might not have been such a good idea. I think, to some extent, those feelings were not reciprocated. I took a chance, blindly and stupidly, when I shouldn't have.

I resolve now, to shield my emotions, to not trust. It started as a fling. Nothing more. It will not develop further, I won't allow it.

God help me if I ruin my happiness and independence for a moment's folly.