Engaged, married and divorced.....

Sigh, Is this Goddess losing steam? Is the whole single strong woman image faltering? I don't know who I'm kidding.

My friends are dropping like flies all around me. No, they're not dying.. they're all getting married. MARRIED! There goes one or two of my drinking buddies.

Theoretically, it shouldn't affect me. I mean, afterall, I don't need a man to justify my existence. I can support myself. But then, it depresses me that I don't have someone to go to when I just want to be me, or when I just want a cuddle and a hug.

Yes, there are friends I can go to, who will indulge my moods, by tempers, by rants and my raves. But it doesn't reach as deep as I'd like. With friends, I feel I barely scratch the surface of what I'm feeling.

I'm nowhere close to getting married, nor even to getting attached. And while flirting around has its highs, at the end of the day, you're back at square one.

I'm not sure where my inclinations lie at the moment. I'm not sure if I'm happy being single and not worrying about someone else's feelings and issues, or if I'd rather have someone by my side.

At the end of the day, I'm sure what matters is my happiness. The only problem is, I don't know what makes me happy. For a Goddess that can bitch and laugh off any attack against her, and who's intelligent and confident, I'm hopeless and silly when it comes to this kind of thing.

Suddenly, I'm scared to make a commitment, despite wanting to. And suddenly, I'm too afraid to take a chance. Strange, when a month or two ago, I held it against someone else who was also afraid to make a commitment.

Am I drowning? I can't even place a finger on what exactly I'm feeling. I'm just feeling lonely...

Imagine that. A Goddess, with so much at her feet... feeling lonely....